I’ve been married for over ten years. My husband and I get along well—we both love and take care of our children—and he respects me and loves me. He is a great partner. Still, I feel as if we are nothing more than best friends. Our marriage is an almost-happy one, but it is completely passionless. Lately, I’ve been seriously considering leaving him.
When our children were born, I decided to co-sleep. The bed just wasn’t big enough for all of us, so my husband moved into the guest room. Even after the kids started sleeping in their own beds, we decided to keep the arrangement. Of course, that makes physical intimacy really rare. We kiss and touch throughout the day, but sex barely happens. We’ve stopped saying “I love you,” which I think is telling. We used to say it to one another all the time.
We’ve talked about what’s happening between us but any changes we make last a couple of weeks, and then we’re back to our old routines. He goes to work; I go to work. We come home; we feed the kids. We put them to bed. We put on the TV. He falls asleep 20 minutes into the program. I go to bed. He goes to the guestroom. We repeat. I’ve felt so isolated and lonely for a few years now—just like my life is on autopilot and things are good enough, but there’s just no excitement.
There’s also something else: lately, I have been obsessing about “the one who got away.”
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